Time to end? Nearly 10 year relationship

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Time to end? Nearly 10 year relationship

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2019 at 1:14 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    BreakingPoint
    BreakingPoint
    Participant
    November 22, 2019 at 5:08 am #225594
    Time to end? Nearly 10 year relationship

    Based off the tile, you probably know how difficult this is.

    This is the first time I have actively asked for advice, I have bottled this up for a long time. I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years. The first year was “online dating” then it moved onto a serious relationship when I moved to be with him. I left home. I was very young, and started college in his area. This will be a long story but I will summarize as best I can, and add more in the comments, as I want people to understand my situation well, so I can be given well informed advice. He’s 38, I’m 25. Yes, theres an age gap, but please don’t judge him or me. I pushed for the relationship and he was an absolute gentleman from the start. Never lewd.

    Essentially, I feel as though I have fallen out of love with him. I am not sexually attracted anymore, we have 0 intimacy, and when we try it doesn’t work out…I don’t enjoy being touched by him, its been like this the last couple of years. Continued in comments—-

    BreakingPoint
    BreakingPoint
    Participant
    November 22, 2019 at 5:13 am #225595

    He is no longer romantic with words. He will sometimes do little things that are very sweet, like buy some flowers for the house (I’ve noticed it this past half-year, I think he is starting to realize the distance growing between us), calls me beautiful daily, and is so so respectful, we have never fought (like as in he has never raised his voice). But he does not make me feel wanted anymore. I feel as though I live with a roommate, not my lover.

    We met online gaming, we sent each other pics, he realized my age and backed off but I told him I really liked him. But I realize now that I was ‘catfished’ at first. He sent me pics of himself when he was in college. A year later, not long before we met in person, he came clean and showed me his true self. Older, and obese. I overlooked that, because I told myself I was raised better, I love with my heart, not only my eyes. So times goes on, I finish highschool and move. We meet while I live in college dorms, last year of school I move —

    BreakingPoint
    BreakingPoint
    Participant
    November 22, 2019 at 8:20 am #225596

    in with him. Intimacy is still there, not the best, and not often, but at least there. As time goes on, it becomes less and less frequent, I see him less because of nursing school, and the roommate pattern starts to set in. He’s been so supportive through my school years, even paying the entire rent during my last 2 years of school when I moved in with him. But I did have a part time job, and I paid for aaaall of our outings, and 2 bills. I also paid all of our dates while I was in college. Now that I am in my career, and have my own debt to pay, I realize how it seems a little unfair how I still pay for all of our dates. I also pay half of our rent, which is a grand, and I pay for our two biggest bills. I told him this week he has to pay for his half of his meals now, because I am not making much progress on my one credit card. Now he doesn’t want to go out to eat, understandably. He doesn’t make a lot…but why can’t he put things on his credit card just from time to time like I—

    BreakingPoint
    BreakingPoint
    Participant
    November 22, 2019 at 8:20 am #225597

    (okay it seems it deleted my last paragraph, so I am going to just try to rephrase and summarize this shorter)—so last year of college I move in with him, he supports me through nursing school by paying the apartment for two years. But I have a job, and pay for all of our outings, meals, etc, and 2 bills. Well to this day I still pay for aaall of our outings, and still pay our 2 big bills AND half the rent which is little less than a grand. Now that I have loans, and a bit of a credit card debt, I realize how careful I must be. I ask him to pay half his bill now, and now he doesnt want to go out. I get it, its okay, he doesnt make much. But why can’t he use his credit card from time to time like I did this entire time we’ve been together. Anyway, at the beginning we still had intimacy, not the best or frequent but at least there, now its completely absent in our lives. My sexual appetite has also changed, I crave certain things. I voiced this to him once and he clearly expressed —

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    November 22, 2019 at 4:26 pm #225662

    You met this guy when you were (15) and this is the only “adult relationship” you’ve ever had.
    You’re sexually frustrated and he isn’t much help financially.
    You have invested 10 years of your life and you’re at a crossroad.

    First of all no one is “stuck” with anyone! Suffering is optional.
    If you’re unhappy being in a relationship and choose to stay YOU are (choosing to be unhappy).

    Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
    The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.
    You may want to read a book titled: My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)

    The only thing worse than being in a 10 year relationship you’re unhappy with is being in one for 10 years + one day.
    Start saving up your money to get a place of your own or find a two bedroom apt. with a girlfriend roommate your age.

    If you want something different YOU have to do something different.
    The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!

    Best wishes!