She agreed to a date but not a time

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She agreed to a date but not a time

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2019 at 1:15 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 11:09 am #207164
    She agreed to a date but not a time

    So this would be our third date, she said she would go but then I asked if Thursday works for her and she hasn’t said anything. I sent that text yesterday. I don’t want to seem desperate and text her again but I do want to know what my plans are before Wednesday night, because she does seem to have a habit of texting sorta last minute (which I know isn’t a great sign anyways.) This is different though in that this time she actually left me on read, which the other times she hasn’t, it looked like she just hasn’t open Snapchat. Probably more details than you need but I’m not sure if a follow-up text would be off putting. Thanks for your time!

    Intergenerational
    Intergenerational
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 12:22 pm #207166

    Better late than never for a response. But she needs to follow through in some way, even if it means a later time to get together. Regular, reliable contact is key to any budding relationship.

    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 12:44 pm #207168

    So you’re saying just wait and see? I’ll probably wait until tomorrow if I do say something, I think it’s reasonable to know what my own plans are this week, but I’m thinking that saying so today might come off a little desperate.

    Michelle Behrens
    Michelle Behrens
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 6:16 pm #207181

    I would leave that ball in her court. Make plans for yourself and don’t change them for her if she responds in the last minute. She knows whether or not she wants to go. In my experience, people who do that as a pattern are waiting to see if something “better” comes along. Don’t make yourself a second place prize, so to speak. Don’t take it personally. She doesn’t need to get the idea that you are waiting around on her. It gives her a psychological upper hand. Show her you have a full life but are happy to make time to see her. Trust me on this. I’m much more experienced in this area than I’d like to be. I honestly wouldn’t ask again for this week. If you want to ask again I’d wait a few weeks. Call or message and tell her you want to go to X, and would she like to come along with you…please let you by whatever date you choose. Ever heard of the rubber band effect? Maybe do some reading on it.😉

    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 7:48 pm #207182

    Youre probably right, but isn’t the rubber band effect based on the idea that men’s testosterone levels fluctuate and so it only applies to men? Could be wrong about that. But you’re main point is probably right. I might text her after Thursday sometime, but not make a thing of it.

    Michelle Behrens
    Michelle Behrens
    Participant
    September 18, 2019 at 2:20 am #207184

    No, it’s a push/pull psychological thing. Many times if a person feels chased or urged they pull away. If the person doing the pushing stops and/or goes the other direction the person originally urged comes back. It depends of course on various things that are really going on. But once a person feels less desired they may start responding in the positive. Anyway, the biggest thing in my opinion is that you don’t allow her to use you as a last resort. I’ve heard many conversations over the years from people who do just that. “I’ll go out with him if the other guy doesn’t work out” type of thing. Just be aware and listen to your gut. I hate seeing anyone taken advantage of in any way. Just watch for patterns of behavior that makes you wonder.

    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    September 18, 2019 at 10:35 am #207196

    Yeah, I just meant, I’ve only ever really seen it applied to men, and I was questioning whether the female psyche works the same way. But you’re right, I should probably just give up on this girl, at least for a while.

    Michelle Behrens
    Michelle Behrens
    Participant
    September 18, 2019 at 11:27 am #207197

    You can think about it as putting her on the back burner if you really like her. I’m not trying to sound overly suspicious. I’m just trying to get you to think about yourself first. It’s so easy to put ourselves last when we like someone a lot and hope for more with them. As for myself, the times I got hurt were those where I was too generous with excuses for the other person’s behavior. Expect them to treat you at as well as you expect or want to be treated. People so frequently end up unhappy in relationships. I think settling for behavior we initially excuse contributes a lot to that. 🙂