Relationship Breaking Point…Dont Know What To Do

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Relationship Breaking Point…Dont Know What To Do

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2019 at 3:36 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    RoyH57
    RoyH57
    Participant
    October 28, 2019 at 8:45 pm #224176
    Relationship Breaking Point…Dont Know What To Do

    Hey all. Will try to keep this as short and concise as possible. I appreciate any advice you may have on this matter.

    I have been dating my current girlfriend for almost 5 years. I love her with all my heart- she is beautiful inside and out, we are extremely compatible in so many ways and I care deeply for her well being (sometimes more than mine). I am generally a loving person, but even then I could not imagine caring for and loving someone so much as I do her.

    The issue is we are not compatible in one big way: sexually. I am not (and have never really been) much of a sexual person. She is the opposite. In the beginning of the relationship we would have regular sex. It was ok for me, maybe because it was a new relationship, but starting about 3 years ago or so, it has become a burden for me. It physically isn’t enjoyable anymore- its hard to describe but it feels physically uncomfortable to me to have sex. It doesn’t feel good on my penis and my body tenses up a lot.

    RoyH57
    RoyH57
    Participant
    October 28, 2019 at 8:46 pm #224177

    We have talked about this so much, gone to a therapist, read articles, got hormone test and nothing works. I try with all my power to suck it up and just do it, but I can’t. Its so difficult for and uncomfortable. She can’t understand why it doesn’t feel good to me (because it does to her) and how I could love her but not want to have sex. I have tried explaining how it feels and that different people feel and express love in different ways, but no matter how hard I try she doesn’t understand- we are constantly stuck in that feedback loop

    She has been so patient and supportive these past I just feel like Im letting her down all the time. She really feels her emotions (for a lack of a better term) and when she is upset about that it percolates in to all areas of her life, and it hinders her career, social life etc. I think I have been a great boyfriend in all other areas (she has expressed this many times) but this is one area we just can’t seem to get over.

    RoyH57
    RoyH57
    Participant
    October 29, 2019 at 8:36 am #224178

    It is such an awful feeling to make the person you love the most so sad, but no matter what I try I just can’t make myself want to have sex. And I can’t imagine forcing myself to do this for the next 50+ years of our lives should we decide to get married.

    We are both in our late 20’s so were trying to figure out how to move forward from here. We’ve talked about having an open relationship, which we both agreed to, but when she was presented with the opportunity to have sex with other people she has turned it down and said the only person she wants is me. We both have also said that if we were to break up, we would remain in each others lives and still be close friends.

    She the first and only serious girlfriend Ive ever had so I am in unknown territory and I don’t know what do to anymore. I would so kindly appreciate any advice or suggestions anyone may have.

    Thank you so much in advanced!