I messed up.

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I messed up.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2019 at 1:32 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    nectarborn
    nectarborn
    Participant
    June 20, 2019 at 9:57 am #202473
    I messed up.

    I was best friends with a guy for my freshman year over the summer and first semester sophomore year. It was one of the best most compatible friendships I had. He also had a serious girlfriend for about 6 months, before he was dumped over the summer. He pursued her for a bit and then decided to stop on his own terms. Around that time he started giving signals to me, but I was confused. I had never experienced something like this before, but I started realizing that I really liked him. Around December, I asked him if he had feelings for me, he said yes, and I told him about my feelings, but we collectively agreed that it was too soon to have a relationship and that’s how I messed up.

    Second semester was a nightmare because of me. We had a couple sparked moments, but I had at least twenty conversations about how I was unsure about how I felt. I got clingy, dependent, and needy. I acted passive aggressive and created arguments when the situation did not merit one.

    nectarborn
    nectarborn
    Participant
    June 20, 2019 at 10:02 am #202474

    He was not completely blame-less, but I was truly a mess. I cried every other day and cried because I missed him occasionally. The problem was I was deadly honest and told him so. I can’t begin to explain how clueless and dumb I acted. Towards the end of the semester, on a weekly basis, I was anxious about something and needed him to come to my rescue with a call. In my culture, we date to marry and I had not once considered marriage, so the whole situation freaked me out. Very much so. Especially considering his previous girlfriend and we had all been part of this friend group which also dismantled (for reasons unrelated to me). I freaked out probably ten times because I thought I was being the “bitch”, but he reassured me that it was fine. I felt overwhelming emotions and kept exhibiting them.

    Now in my defense, he did do a bunch of dumb stuff, I had never felt these sort of emotions before, and I had spent the first semester convinced that I was in love with my best friend…

    nectarborn
    nectarborn
    Participant
    June 20, 2019 at 12:38 pm #202475

    and that he didn’t love me back and so I dramatized and acted borderline neurotic. I’m taking responsibility for all of that. It wasn’t extreme desperation, but it was not pretty. A lot of it was very innocent. Since I cared so much about him, I would freak out about hurting him by being this unsure and cry about that. I got very empathetic and would get happy and sad based off of his life. This was also very new to me. I have spent most of my life very cold and distant towards people. I used to be afraid of “hugging” people. Like an overall radical transformation.
    Sorry this is long… I just really need help.

    He usually said the right things and was there for me. But on his end, he was not the perfect person either of course. There were two big hiccups that spurred these actions of mine further.

    First, his ex called him on the phone crying about something and he started crying while I was there. I got him some tissues and comforted him, but I was confused.

    dashingscorpio
    dashingscorpio
    Participant
    June 20, 2019 at 9:23 pm #202549

    Since nothing ever happened between you guys (forgive yourself) and move on!

    You’re acting as if you were dating this guy for several years and he broke your heart.
    The only reason he was even available was because his girlfriend dumped him.
    Truth is he is still in love with his ex and you dodged being a “rebound”.

    In order for (him) to have been “the one” he would have had to see (you) as being “the one”.
    At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you!

    In the meantime you need to expand your circle of friends and spend a lot less time around him.
    In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

    “Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde