Help From The Ladies, Please  Re: Exclusivity and 'someone else'

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Help From The Ladies, Please Re: Exclusivity and 'someone else'

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Lost_Pup
    Lost_Pup
    Participant
    August 14, 2019 at 9:13 am #205397
    Help From The Ladies, Please Re: Exclusivity and 'someone else'

    I’m so confused..
    I met a girl online a couple of months back. We’ve gone out 6 times, some of the best dates of my life. We laugh, we have fun, we talk, we share. At the end of our dates we have a very nice kiss and elongated hug. A few other kisses and hand holdings along the way. It’s weird how perfect we are for each other, she admits it too.

    BUT

    I brought up that I’d like to focus on seeing only her and no one else. She didn’t say anything. Then she went into the ‘this is a bad time’ speech, but she would think about it because she does like me.

    I didn’t contact her for a couple of days. Then she contacted me to say Hi and wondered where I’d been. Then she confessed that there was someone else she had been ‘getting to know’ at the same time as me. I asked her what that meant and she said she didn’t know because she likes us both and she’s not ready for anything.

    Today, she took her dating profile down. Is that a sign she was playing me and is with him?

    FemaleFriends123
    FemaleFriends123
    Participant
    August 14, 2019 at 11:02 am #205416

    Why is it that people confuse the term “dating” and “commitment”? She is entitled to date you and someone else because she did not commit to any of you. If you’re going to feel bad about it, you need to find someone who is ready to define the relationship with you and fully commit to you. She isn’t wrong, and she wasn’t playing you, that’s how “dating” is.

    Lost_Pup
    Lost_Pup
    Participant
    August 14, 2019 at 1:12 pm #205430

    I’m well aware of the differences. I didn’t confuse the two.
    We were dating, and yes she could date 10 people if she wanted to.
    My question was, once I told her how I felt, does it sound like she was just telling me she’s still interested (as to let me down easy) – then waiting a day to tell me there is someone else, hoping I would take a hint? Even though she says we (myself and the other guy) are on a level playing field…
    The her dating profile disappeared….Usually when a dating profile comes down, that means you’ve made some sort of decision.

    That was my question. Has she really made a decision, but with the other guy…..

    rollingeyes
    rollingeyes
    Participant
    August 15, 2019 at 8:40 am #205462

    I think it might be a sign she might have too much to handle and doesn’t want to be in the dating scene for a while. I mean, if she is unsure about two men for whom she has feelings for… That’s a lot of processing to take in. The best you could possibly do, if you really like her, is give her time and space to figure out her emotions while also respecting yourself and your desire to be exclusive. If she likes you enough, she will appreciate that and it will count in your favor. Good luck!

    aliaspenname
    aliaspenname
    Participant
    August 18, 2019 at 10:37 am #205614

    Personally, after I’ve gone out with someone and know I want to continue exploring that, I prefer to exclusively focus on that potential, even if it’s not a “relationship” yet. For exactly this reason. At some point when you’ve been kidding and seeing a guy for six dates, you’ve gotta pick a lane. I think her reaction and behavior isn’t super fair to you and your preferred style of dating. She probably took the profile down so as not to deal with more than the two of you, but it also doesn’t sound like she’s picked a lane. Which could also mean you’re a plan B. If you were plan A, she would have already made that clear. Unfortunately, i think it’s time to cut your losses and find someone who is willing to commit to you and your style.