Asking out a friend

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Asking out a friend

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2019 at 3:33 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    dadams155
    dadams155
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 3:58 pm #207173
    Asking out a friend

    Hey 🙂 Ideally looking for answers from experience but I of course appreciate all answers/advice.

    I’ve been friends with somebody for a few months who I met through a friend and their partner. All 4 of us do fun things and activities 1-2 times a month on the weekend and I talk to this person most days outside of that. Not quick response, multiple messages per day, more of a block of text with multiple conversations in (which works better for me due to my awkward work and life commitments). Usually I would have asked somebody to go for a drink or to go out one day/evening but I’ve never been in the scenario where its a friend I see in a social context; as such I’m very hesitant in doing anything as there’s the risk of ruining the things we do as a group of friends. Just from conversation alone I’d say she may be interested, although I end up asking a lot more questions to get to know her than the other way around. In short; is the risk worth the potential loss/gain? Just from that desc

    BlunderBuss
    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 4:05 pm #207175

    I’d say it’s worth it, mostly because, unless you really are dramatic about it, I don’t think expressing interest in your friends ruins friendships the way everyone fears it does. As for whether you guys one day have a messy breakup that ruins the gang, that could happen. You have to decide which you want more: for this person to date you, or for things to stay the way they are.

    dadams155
    dadams155
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 4:35 pm #207176

    I guess it’s just because I really can’t tell if the feeling is mutal. Sure we speak every day/most days (and granted I don’t do that with anybody else; male or female friends) but it’s difficult to tell if that’s just her being nice or if she’s genuinly interested. I’d definitely feel worse not doing anything than doing something and it going terribly (with the latter happening once before; hence asking for advice. Although it was horrible it was better than not saying anything).
    Thanks for the answer. I’ll give it a week or so and see if she gives off any more interest or not and make a decision.

    Michelle Behrens
    Michelle Behrens
    Participant
    September 17, 2019 at 5:59 pm #207179

    Perhaps you should be candid and simply ask. “You know I like you and would like to get to know you better. How do you feel about dating someone you socialize with in group settings? Would you be interested in that with me?” I feel bad feelings tend to come from poor communication. People appreciate knowing the intentions of others and respond better to honesty. I believe it’s the people involved who will determine if things become awkward should it not work out. Stay positive, kind and clear. Agree ahead of time that if things don’t work out you still want to remain friendly and keep your group of friends intact.