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JoellaParticipantAugust 19, 2019 at 12:23 pm #205639
I am 42, I was married for almost 20 years. The last few years have been concentrated on raising my 2 children although I dated here and there. I have been with the same guy now for over 2 years, he treats me like a queen-he respects me, supports my every decision, communicates well, and would do anything for me. However, there are little things he does that make me realize he is so much more simpler minded (a bit childish) than me, and it’s a little embarrassing-I am sure my friends wonder why I’m with this guy. At the risk of sounding like I put myself up on a pedestal (because I most certainly do not) I’m smarter than him (a member of his family even said that). I just wonder if I’m settling thinking that no one will come along to treat me as good, so I’m going to put up with these feelings, should I overlook them or should I cut ties with this guy hoping something better comes along?
richiroParticipantAugust 23, 2019 at 6:42 pm #206093
well you have to ask yourself what’s your priorities in a mate…
– somebody who’s smarter than you?
– or somebody that treats you like a queen and supports you and would do anythign for you?
lostinlove19ParticipantAugust 27, 2019 at 10:27 am #206168
If you feel like you are settling, you should probably let go of this man. Not because he isn’t good enough for you , but because at a point you will feel like you are just using him. Using him to fill loneliness. If you really would like it to work out, try having real conversations with him and ask his opinion. You may be surprised that he knows more than you thought. Something else always comes along, be it smarter or more attractive in another way. The question is do you really want to work with what you have?
bvbParticipantSeptember 4, 2019 at 8:19 am #206472
Are you worried about how you feel or what your friends think?
I have a much higher IQ than anyone I’ve been in a serious relationship with – no way not to make that sound arrogant, but it is true. It doesn’t matter much, I am looking for a life partner, not a research partner. I would much rather be with someone childish who enjoys snowball fights and playing in the mud than someone who can discuss grad school math problems.
Is he good looking or wealthy? If you are worried about what people think, those go a lot farther than intelligence.
JoellaParticipantSeptember 6, 2019 at 12:13 pm #206622
Thank you for your help. Not gonna lie, made me feel a little silly when I read the comments, that I’m worrying about things that seem trivial to most people, but I really appreciate all the insight!
Michelle BehrensParticipantSeptember 17, 2019 at 9:05 am #207143
I had the same experience and I married him. He was a really good person but the immaturity and embarrassing moments really wore on me over the years. If you have to question whether you should “settle” there’s something wrong. If he’s a “mature” adult don’t expect this to change. Frankly, I don’t see how a strong, satisfying relationship can grow out of this. You’ll feel “in charge” of him, so to speak because it gives a parent/child feeling. I hung in for 8 years….8 years too long. I don’t want a grown man to be my child. Just being brutally frank.
jonnylaw8069ParticipantSeptember 17, 2019 at 12:30 pm #207167
Seems I have the opposite on this thread- I am 41- a business owner and have a hard time finding women my age that are grown up. Being that said- there is always times for vacations – parties to meet up with people and go out for fun things, but when the relationship and bills ( grown adult stuff ) takes a second hand to just doing nothing but worry on every one but your own problems- that’s when the relationship is over.
angelita0609ParticipantSeptember 19, 2019 at 2:04 am #207217
I feel like you’d only be settling if you weren’t getting what you hope for from the relationship, not necessarily because you are smarter than him. A relationship is based on much more than whose smarter than who. Are you happy, do you enjoy him, do you see a future together?
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